05/01/2026

Passed my test!! ^_^

AAAA I was so worried about my theory test because I kept barely passing taking the mock tests, and I was in work for 5 hours so it was difficult to stop and revise for a bit. But it all worked out in the end, cause I got 49 out of 50!! o(￣┰￣*)ゞ

Fuck whatever question I got wrong. I don’t even remember what it could have been, but it was related to vulnerable road users. Also of course I passed the hazard perception test. It was tense but I managed to hold my nerves ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

Now the next obstacle is actually booking the practical exam. Idk if the one person ever is reading this understands, but there’s been a massive backlog for learner tests since 2020. It’s a fight to get into the booking system, then they say the best thing for you to do if book a random test anywhere and just try to get it rebooked closer to your actual location. Hopefully if I do get a test booked, I’d feel actually ready for it.

I’m also looking at other volunteer opportunities to take with Wildlife Trust and other places, just for experience and something to do between days off.

04/01/2025

Normal Shifts + Theory

Years been slow so far but it is tough with a horrible cough and fatigue. And also I don’t get paid until next week so my adventures have to remain on the free side.

Though the weather is nice, if a bit fresh, so I should go out somewhere.

Also got called into work yesterday because someone else rang in sick, the shift was longer than I expected it to be but in the end it’s more cash in my wallet. Besides, I didn’t have much else to do that day. Then today was a normal 4-hour shift, which doesn’t feel so bad after so many 5-7 hour shifts last month. So far i’ve had no issues with anyone. To me, a shift isn’t bad so long as 99% of the customers are nice and reasonable. We could be short-staffed with no stock and rats running around the place, but if the people Interact with are chill, then so am I.

I had a quick look through new clothes in a few thrifty stores, but I don’t get paid until Wednesday. I also can’t pay with a credit card cause I lost mine a few weeks ago (Deactivated, dw nobody used it) and I have to RING a telephone line to get a new one. Urgh. Maybe I’ll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ve got an emergency shift 8:45-13:45, then I’ve got my theory test at 3pm. I don’t work far from the centre so It’s not a worry, I’ll either walk or get an Uber because there seem to be no busses going towards the actual place. Which is weird but whatever.

I’m not worried about it too much, the mock tests so far have gone well. And once I pass my theory I can book my actual driving test. I hope to book one for spring.

I can’t wait to get my licence so I never have to drive another car again.

But I have to admit, even though I don’t want to drive, I’ve gotten further then I ever thought was possible for me. I was adamant about never learning to drive because I hated the idea of being behind the wheel so much. and I still hate it. but like, I can do it. mostly. Ah whatever. The only reason why i’m trying to drive is because so many jobs require you to have a full, valid licence, even if driving isn’t required for the job. It’s ridiculous. Not everyone can drive, or even have the means to learn to do so. Lessons are so expensive, and I’m the lucky one for having a great instructor. I just want it over and done with, but I know I need to keep practising if i want a shot at passing my test.

You know what I do prefer riding though? Motorcycles. I haven’t been able to ride one since I past my CBT last year, and I hope I’ve not forgotten anything. If I find a good job and move away, I hope to get an automatic motorcycle I can commute and ride around with.

OH!! Also on the bus back home I met the wonderful Mr Muggles! He was such a sweet dog, it almost made up for the fact that someone else was sick on the bus. AGAIN. Thankfully I had a plastic bag on hand that they could use. Poor gal.

02/01/2026

New Year Things

One life style change I want to commit to this year is finding more joy in the everyday and building with a community. Nvm that’s 2 things but they both relate to each other. It’s too easy to feel alone and isolated in this era, despite being more interconnected with more people than ever before thanks to the internet. And I know I partly have responsibility in that, if I choose to scroll by posts that I enjoy instead of commenting or starting friendships in fandom circles. It’s not easy, especially for someone shy such as myself, but it doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

As mentioned I also want to find joy in the every day. Again, it’s too easy to let routine and familiarity make each day feel the same, and feeling unsatisfied with your life can make that worse. I hope to change that by being more present and writing these blogs more often, even if a day has been completely and utterly boring.

Like today. I’m still sick and NYD means very few buses and shops are open, and the weather was poor so there was even less reason to go outside (man I can’t wait for Spring), but I did keep watching The Nanny after accidentally dropping it years ago. I got up to the last ever season then stopped for literally no reason.

Anyway The Nanny is a 90s sitcom about a loud but passionate lady named Fran Fine who ends up becoming the nanny for Mr Sheffield’s (a successful broadway producer) 3 kids, and they all end up in a lot of fun situations, as per usual sitcom stuff go. Not every joke is understandable and some have aged like milk, but that is par for the course when watching a pop culture show from 30 years ago. Still, I enjoy it a lot and am about half way through the last season now.

Other than that I really want to go thrift shopping again when things have opened up again. I love thrift shopping in person.

31/12/2025

Year in Review

2025 has felt like a year of nothing, despite some of the biggest, best things happening to me this year, and I hope writing this will help me change my mind.

The first half-ish was, of course, a lot. Mentally. I had to recover from ARFID again (I’ll never be 100% recovered, but that’s how it is) over winter, but spring did look a lot brighter for it. I had more energy for longer walks, and I do have nice memories of enjoying the new warmth of the season with audiobooks. I had top surgery to look forward to, as I was coming toward my date during that time as well. By spring, I only had a few phone calls and a ‘meet the team’ appointment left. I received my letter to have surgery early-July, and it got moved forward to the end of May.

Around that time, I also finally found work experience at a vet clinic after approx 6 months (on and off) of searching. I was close to fully giving up many times cause I struggled with the hopelessness and constant rejection, but in the end it worked out. When I went over for the first time, I enjoyed my lunch in the park and felt hopeful. I worked at the same workplace since 2019, but I didn’t hate it. The familiarity was comforting, and it was nice earning money again.

Throughout early summer, I prepared and looked forward to my surgery and recovery. It was everything I had been waiting for for over a decade. I also went away with my friends on a trip, and had a lot of fun. The surgery itself was a great success, even if I was mostly bed-bound for a long time. I’m so lucky to have the support network I have, and I got to enjoy some paid time off over summer. Luckily, I was just recovered enough to enjoy my summer holiday with my partner. It is likely to be the last time we stay in that cottage, but it was beautiful.

I returned back to work and volunteering in September, and also continued my work search for something more relevant. Throughout the year, I had a couple of interviews with other vet practices and even normal places close by, but none went through. The closest was a trial shift at a practice a short bus ride away from me but in hindsight, the vibe was a bit off. I did everything i could to keep positive and learn from each experience, which I have done, but the constant rejection and feeling so, so close to making your dream career happen wears you down so fast.

Two other big changes happened as well: I took my CBT and drove on a motorcycle on a real road for the first time, and I decided to start driving lessons. Both were/ are hard, and make my blood feel acidic, but I never, ever thought I’d ever be behind the wheel of a car. Now, I should be set to pass next spring.

Autumn was mostly just that. Searching for work, more broadly as the seasonal work I was then working at was a couple weeks away from closure (for winter). I didn’t want to spend another winter unemployed because of what it did to my mental health the previous year. Rejection. Interview. Rejection. Interview. Over and over. But still, it meant techniques and skills have been tweaked over and over again. I did manage to find a job, though not related to my degree. It’s retail, in a nice shop in a shopping centre. But I can’t complain about that. The staff are easy to get along with, and I’m good at it, and it’s still cash at the end of the day.

Winter has been the same as above. In early December, I had 3 interviews in the span on 1 week. I had to travel for almost all of them, from Oxford to Blackpool. It was tiring, but a lot of fun regardless. Still, none of those jobs came through. That was a brutal 2 days with those rejections. It feels awful telling people that, again, you didn’t get the job you were hoping for. But 2025 has undoubtedly been a shocking tough market for jobs, I don’t think anyone blames me. It’s on me that I feel like a failure or behind for not having a full-time career (or FT job at all) at my age. 27 sounds old, and serious, like I should be on the verge of being stable. But in reality, I graduated Uni a year and a half ago and so far have gotten free labour and interviews. But I’m not a lost cause or alone in that.

2025 has been a big year, even if not job wise. It hasn’t been a waste, and I shouldn’t give up hope.

I am greatly experienced in working in a veterinary setting, I can ride a motorcycle, and I have made amazing strides in driving competence. 2026 will be good as well, even if it ends similar to 2025.

Some random photos from this year

30-second old calf!!

Sunny Blackpool

Yorkshire